Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Randomize
