dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
lets start a swedish sibling band together
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Randomize
