afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
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