You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
