BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
Randomize
