Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
he just fucked me for my cheese.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
