We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
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