i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
