I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
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