6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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