Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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