You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
