she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
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