Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
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