and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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