Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
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