I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What drink are we having for lunch?
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize