3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
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