so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Randomize
