Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
