he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
