...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
Randomize
