he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
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