Me. At least after what I've been through.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
