I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
