dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
