He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Randomize
