My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
Randomize
