Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
id be glad to
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Randomize
