Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
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