good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
Randomize
