Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
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