When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Randomize
