the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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