Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
