There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
