Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
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