Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
