$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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