how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Randomize
