Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize
