dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Randomize
