Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
I have so many feelings about this burrito
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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