So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
