Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
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