Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Randomize
