Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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