Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
