I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
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