I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Randomize
