I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
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