I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Randomize
