My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
