Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Randomize
