ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
