Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
