Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
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