i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
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