I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
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