I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
I think im going to throw up on grandma
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Randomize