oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
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