why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
Randomize
