Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
