i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
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