why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
