Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
