remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Randomize
