Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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