I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
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