This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
Randomize
