I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
