Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
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This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
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Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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