I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
