It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
