I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
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